Hold on to Me
by Rhoswinn
Summary: After Jacob saves her from herself after jumping off the cliff, Bella begins to see their relationship in a new light. What would happen if Bella finally realized that Jacob would never hurt her like Edward did? Takes place at the end of New Moon after the cliff jump. Rated M for language and future lemons.
1. The Cliff

**I haven't written a fanfiction in over 6 years... And yet here I am. I caught the bug again.**

 **I have been trying to find a Bella/Jacob story lately that would really captivate me. It seems that I've already read most of the good ones... But still I had an itch that I needed to scratch. So I decided to write my own! This is my first Bella/Jacob story. Please let me know if I'm doing okay!**

 **Quick note: I'm going to do my best to keep the characters as true to their personalities as possible. Also, Edward will not be portrayed as a bad guy. ALSO, I believe Jacob should have gotten the girl. This is my version of the books starting at the cliff jump in New Moon. Bella is going to seriously rethink her life choices. (Come on, girl.)**

 **Rated M for language and future lemons.**

 **All characters belong to SM. I'm just borrowing them for my own enjoyment.**

The vicious wind whipped my hair against my face, stinging my skin as I stood inches away from the edge. I could hear the anger of the ocean beating the rock of the cliff face below me in the background of my consciousness. And his beautiful, yet haunting voice gripped me and refused to let me go.

The voice clung to my heart like a vice, and I was powerless to stop it. I didn't want it to stop. For the longest time, I had done everything in my power to keep it close to me. I was desperate to remain drunk on it, the last remaining shadow of the man who left me behind. He drove me to this place. If he saw what I was doing now, would he care? Did he realize just what he'd done to me by leaving me behind?

"Stop, Bella," he said. There was warning in his voice... It was a familiar tone.

I stepped so close to the cliff's edge that my toes hung off the side of the rock, testing the voice's resolve, and my own. I realized the spitefulness of my actions, but I didn't care.

"Don't do this. Please."

 _You have no right to ask anything of me now_ , I thought. The adrenaline pumped through my veins as I steeled myself. Absently, I felt a tear roll down my cheek, a hot contrast against the icy sting of the rain. I rolled onto the balls of my feet and leaned forward, allowing gravity to take hold.

"NOOOOOOO!"

As I fell faster than I could comprehend, my eyes shot open, aware that the voice I just heard had not been from the ghost in my head. It was human... and it was alive with panic.

I only had a split second to register what I had just done, only to be hit by a freight train of freezing water. It stole every ounce of breath from my lungs, and then I was surrounded by nothing but black.

My mind was overwhelmed by the darkness... My senses couldn't register more than one thing at a time. I was absently aware of someone yelling. It sounded fuzzy for some reason, like the noise was insulated and far away from me.

Then I felt the pain.

My throat was raw with salt and ice. I tried to speak, but my vocal cords refused to resonate. _It hurts. God, it hurts._

I heard the yelling again. I noticed that my eyelids were glued shut, my skin numb from the cold. I attempted to open them.

"Bella!" I heard it in the distance, echoing.

I tried to answer the voice, still unable to see where it came from. But at least it was a little clearer now. I felt more than heard my own voice call out in a strangled gasp. I winced.

"Bella! Come on, Bella, wake up!" I felt strong, warm hands grasp my shoulders. They shook me firmly, and I could feel their panic. "Dammit, wake up! BELLA!"

My eyes jolted open then. I was suddenly aware of my surroundings... the wet gravel under my back, the oppresive gray skies, and the anguished eyes of my best friend. Jacob's body hovered over mine, acting as shelter from the rain.

"Ja-..." I tried painfully, my voice sounding strained and rough. "...Jacob."

His black eyes widened, and his body shook with lingering panic mixed with palpable relief. He lifted my shoulders from the ground, holding me against his warm body. He was tender, as if he thought I would break. But his words were fierce.

"Bella, what the _hell_ where you thinking? You could have _died._ " He rocked me back and forth, reviving me with his warmth. "What would I have done?" he whispered. "How could I..." he trailed off, his whisper becoming nothing but an unspeakable thought.

As he held me as tightly as he could, as if I was the only precious thing in the world, another feeling washed over me. I was utterly ashamed.

My mind was assaulted with memories of what had just happened minutes ago. I began to sob as the weight of what I had almost done to my best friend relentlessly pounded at my brain and tore at my heart. I saw visions of Jacob on his knees, doubled over in grief. My father, Charlie, the life gone out of his eyes after the death of his only daughter. Renee was crying uncontrollably, her body flung over a cold casket.

How could I have been so seflfish? How could I be so willing to risk my life just to spite a figment of my imagination? My heart felt a searing pain at this admission, but I refused to be easy on myself. _Edward_... I internally forced his name out through the aching in my chest. _Edward_ was _gone_.

"I'm sorry," I cried, pleading with my eyes. Jacob deserved an explanation... He certainly deserved more than I was giving him. He had always deserved better. But it was all I could manage at that moment, when there was so much to say and no way to say it. "I'm so sorry."

His body seemed to gradually cease its shaking, and my Jacob picked me up with one effortless motion. "Come on, Bella. You'll be alright, everything will be alright. Let's get you home."

I allowed my eyes to close again as my sobs slowed, and I focused on his warmth and his warmth alone. I could feel the wind biting the left side of my face as he ran, but it didn't bother me. Not with the heat of his protective embrace shielding me from the cold.

 **It's a short first chapter, but if I get a good response, I promise to give you some meaty ones from here on out! PLEASE REVIEW!**


	2. Everything

**Hey guys! Thank you so much to those of you that reviewed, favorited, and added Hold on to Me to your story alerts! I hope I did better with the chapter length... this one is twice as long as the other one!**

 **None of the characters belong to me... they are all SM's intellectual property.**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

It wasn't long before Jacob laid me down on his couch, my head spinning from what had just happened. He grabbed an old wool blanket as he crawled onto the couch behind me, warming me with his unnaturally high body heat. He laid the blanket over me, insulating his warmth further.

I was slowly regaining my bearings, although I was still ashamed of my ridiculous actions. I wanted to speak, but I had no clue what I could possibly say to the boy beside me. I felt as though any attempt at an explanation would only further reveal how pathetic I was, or would be too easily misunderstood. I didn't understand well enough myself to try right now. A moment to think would have done me a lot of good, but this throbbing headache needed to go away before that would happen.

We laid there in silence for a while, my numbness slowly fading as Jacob lent his body heat to me, neither of us quite knowing what to say.

Finally, Jacob broke the silence. "Bella... What were you trying to do?"

I opened my mouth, and then shut it again abruptly. I knew what he meant. He was wondering if I was trying to kill myself, or if I was simply being an idiot. Maybe it was both. I knew the fall _could_ kill me, but at that moment I didn't care. I cringed internally. That explanation was worse than any of them.

After a moment, I whispered, "Earlier, you asked what I was thinking. The truth is… I don't know what I was thinking, Jacob." It was all I could manage for now. I cleared my throat, which still felt strained.

Jacob grasped my shoulders and gently turned my body around to face him. He gazed into my eyes, looking for answers. He must have seen the confusion and hurt in them, because he sighed and pulled me into his chest. I felt him kiss the top of my head lovingly, and I felt relieved. I knew he realized that I just couldn't fully answer him yet. I was grateful for that.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, dropping that line of questioning.

"Better," I croaked. "... Thank you."

He laughed humorlessly. "What are you thanking me for, Bella?

I pulled back slightly, and looked up to meet his eyes. They were deep and comforting, endless pools of black that I could get lost in for days. "You saved me," I whispered.

"How could I have done anything else?" he replied quietly.

"Also," I amended. "Thanks for not making me feel shittier than I already do. I think I'm beating myself up enough for the both of us." I looked down, still processing my shame.

There were a few heartbeats of silence between us. Then, Jacob hooked his finger under my chin, and turned my face toward his again. "You're acting as though I had a choice, Bella," he whispered, searching my eyes. "You are _everything_ to me. I didn't think, not for a second. I saw my world shatter when you jumped. I had to jump with you."

I could see anger, fear, love, and relief all flashing across his face as he recalled the memory of what he had witnessed. "Jacob," I sighed.

He smiled then. "What you did may have been stupid… but I love you anyway. You know I do."

My heart swelled with affection when I realized he had already forgiven me from the start. He also wasn't afraid to agree that I was being stupid. I loved his honesty.

Jacob was reviving me in more ways than one. Here he was, holding me and bringing me back to life. He would always be right here, I had no doubt in my mind.

And yet, I hesitated to say that I loved him too. I knew that I did… I loved Jacob. But how could I give him hope where there couldn't be any? My heart was broken into pieces. I was too far gone thanks to… _Edward_. Wasn't I? How could I love him the way he truly deserved? I didn't think I would ever be able to, no matter how far my best friend brought me back from the dead.

I just leaned forward, resting my forehead on his chest. I snaked my free hand around his back and squeezed weakly, hoping he could feel my love for him.

It was then that I realized how silent the house was. "Where's Billy?" I asked.

Jacob stiffened, and I pulled back slightly to look at his face. His brows were stitched together into a pained expression, and I waited for his reply with baited breath. What had happened to Billy while I was so selfishly preoccupied with myself?

"Is he okay?" I urged, my eyes wide.

"It's not my dad," Jacob finally said, his eyes not meeting mine. "Harry Clearwater had a heart attack. My dad is with his family. Bells, he's... he's gone."

It took a moment for my still sluggish brain to process what Jacob had just said. But when it did, I shot up into a sitting position, ignoring the rush of fresh pain to my head.

My eyes stared at the floor blankly. Harry was Charlie's best friend. I remember eating his famous fish fry as a kid once. They had gone fishing together that morning, competing over who would get the most for the day. Well, they ended up catching so many that they lost count, and we had to invite half the reservation over to Harry's to help eat them all. Leah and Seth, just toddlers at that time, were so proud of their father.

I whipped my head around to look at Jacob, who had just sat up as well. His expression was grave, and I blinked back fresh tears as the news sunk in. "Seth and Leah... are they okay? And Sue... oh, poor Sue..."

"Charlie and my dad took care of Sue when it happened," he replied. "My dad's still over there I think. She's been pretty out of it... No one can get her to say much, she's too damn overwhelmed." His face darkened then. "Seth and Leah are a different story entirely. Sam is with them right now."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused at the mention of Sam.

"They've caught the fever, Bella," he said. "They're going to phase soon. Both of them."

"But... Leah-"

"Yes, I know," he interrupted. "It's unheard of for a female to become one of us. And Seth will be the youngest member of the pack in a hundred years. But traumatic experiences have been known to cause unusual transformations before... The shock of their father's death triggered it. It could be a defense mechanism ingrained in our DNA. Who knows?" He got quieter as he became lost in his thoughts.

It was clear that Jacob and the pack didn't have the slightest idea what to expect from these recent developments. Not to mention that Victoria was still out there somewhere... The pack couldn't even stop to grieve. They couldn't afford to let their guard down when a sadistic vampire was threatening their territory. My mind swam with all of this new information, not able to make sense of any of it.

My eyes shifted to the window as I noticed how dark it was outside, and I checked the time on a clock on the living room wall. I was shocked to see it was already past 9 PM.

"I'm sorry, Jake... I have to get home. I need to check on Charlie." I felt so guilty that he had been left to deal with this tragedy all day while I was off being reckless. I couldn't imagine what he was feeling after losing his best friend, and the last thing he needed was to be worried about where I was all night long.

"Come on," Jacob said, taking my hand. "Let's get you home."

ooooooooooooooooooo

It was almost 10 o clock by the time we pulled up to my house. I saw Charlie's police cruiser in the driveway, and wondered how long he had been here alone. I saw the light on in the living room, and my guilt panged again as I realized he had been waiting up for me.

Jacob must have seen my concerned expression. He reached over to interlock his fingers with my own, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb. I smiled at how such a small gesture seemed to calm my anxiety instantaneously.

We headed inside to find Charlie in his old recliner, watching TV. "I'm home, Charlie," I called gently. His eyes shifted to me, and he moved to get up. I noticed how tired he looked, deep circles under his eyes and exhaustion obvious in his sluggish movement as he walked toward me, nodding at Jacob.

"Hey, Bells," he said gruffly. He allowed me to close the distance and wrap my arms around him in a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry, Dad," I whispered. "Are you okay?"

He extracted himself from my arms and grunted. I hoped that was some form of a yes. I thought I heard him mutter something about going to bed, and he shuffled off to his bedroom without another word. I knew that this was how Charlie was. He was never one to openly divulge his emotions. He was going to be especially reserved for a while, caught up in his grief. I would take care of him, and at least let him know that I was there for him in the meantime. It was the least I could do... He did the same for me under much less serious circumstances. I suddently felt embarrassed thinking about how I'd acted after _he_ left. It was as if someone had died. In this case, someone actually had. Charlie needed me now more than ever.

I turned to Jacob and noted how exhausted he looked as well. I vaguely wondered when he last slept. There was pain in his face too. He must have been trying to conceal it for my sake, but his resolve was slipping. "Harry was literally around my whole life. He and my dad were always together, like brothers," he whispered. I could see tears well up behind his eyes, although I knew he wouldn't let them fall so easily.

My heart ached as I witnessed his pain. Without thinking, I stepped forward and crashed into him, wrapping my arms around his waist and squeezing tightly. I rested my head against his muscled chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. He returned my embrace eagerly and buried his face in my hair to breathe in my scent.

I just wanted to take his suffering away and replace it with all the happiness I could possibly give him. In my mind, I allowed myself to envision what that would look like. I saw us walking along First Beach in La Push, hand in hand. In my thoughts, Jacob bent down to place a soft kiss on my cheek. We were smiling, laughing, and loving each other. Our friendship was unfailing, but there was also an air of romance about the two of us on that beach, and I realized that I was smiling at the images flashing before my closed eyes. My heart skipped a beat as I thought about what that meant.

Was this the kind of love that I had been looking for all this time? I think I've known for a while that I had been looking for it from the wrong man, from Edward... who could never truly give it to me, even if he wanted to. I noted with a small bit of satisfaction that his name came to mind without tearing at my chest like it usually did. It was a definite improvement.

Could I actually be capable of giving someone that kind of selfless love? Was it possible that I could give it to my best friend? Maybe soon... I could allow myself to believe that I was getting better.

If anyone could make me better, it would be Jacob. Would it be so wrong to let him try?

 **Bella obviously has a lot of thoughts to sort through. Stay tuned, and please let me know how I did in a review! I do my best to take criticisms to heart, and positive reviews give me the motivation to keep writing. :)**


	3. Breathing

**I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. I just started a new job, and I feel like I have very little time to myself when I get home everyday... And even when I do get me-time, I tend to spend it vegging in front of the TV and not using any brain power. I'll get used to it eventually!**

 **Thank you SO MUCH for the response from last chapter! Special shoutout to megan39, who gave me such a thoughtful and encouraging review! You guys are motivating me to keep going with this, even when I'm not so confident with my work. Here's a nice long chapter, just for y'all!**

 **These characters are not mine, they belong to SM! Lucky...**

 **ENJOY!**

The events of the day replayed in my head like a whirlwind. It seemed as though I had been laying there for hours willing my mind to shut down and be quiet. I turned my head to peek at the red LED numbers on my alarm clock, which confirmed my suspicions. It was 3:36 AM and I hadn't gotten a wink of sleep.

I was both physically and emotionally exhausted, feeling like I hadn't rested my body or heart for weeks. But my thoughts were on overdrive, not letting up for a moment. They assaulted me, forcing me to replay every little detail of the last 12 hours over and over again to come up with a definitive answer. But the question that was fluttering around in my head was unspeakable... Wasn't it?

All I knew was that I wanted to see Jacob, even now in the middle of the night. Especially now. He always made me feel so comfortable, and it would be no exception if he were here right now. I could see him if I wanted to... I knew he was out there in the treeline somewhere, close enough to my house to be in earshot if I opened the window-

 _He's on patrol_ , I reminded myself, refusing to take that thought any further.

Earlier, he had reminded me that Victoria was still out there. Something else that I didn't want to add to my growing list of things to worry about.

I replayed our earlier conversation in my head, giving in to the endless barrage of thoughts for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 _After a while of just holding each other in my living room, Jacob reluctantly pulled away, keeping me at arms length. He had composed himself expertly, and wore an expression that hid the pain that he had revealed just moments before._

 _I wanted so badly to ask him to stay with me tonight, but I held my tongue. I had been having a lot of new thoughts lately... Maybe it was best to be rational for once and think them through before I gave Jacob even more potentially false hope._

 _But what did these thoughts even mean? Had I made some kind of mental 180 after Jacob saved me from the water? Did I hit my head at some point before he pulled me out?_

 _All I knew was that my heart was beating hard and fast, as if it were trying to break free from my chest just to be closer to him. And my eyes couldn't get enough of him._

 _I allowed myself a moment to take in this boy that stood in front of me. His rich brown skin, his shaggy black hair, his tall frame, his muscular chest... They all reminded me that he wasn't a boy anymore. He exuded pure, raw masculinity. Becoming a werewolf, taking on that immense responsibility for his family and his pack brothers, had matured him far beyond his true years, both mentally and physically. He was a man. And I didn't want him to leave._

 _Finally Jacob spoke, not seeming to notice that I was staring at him like a drooling idiot. Hopefully it wasn't too obvious. "I know you've had a really rough day." He met my eyes. "Bella, we still have a lot to do to make sure it doesn't get any worse."_

 _I stayed quiet, but I knew he could see the confusion in my eyes._

 _"I didn't tell you right away... I didn't want to worry you with all the other shit that's happened today." He paused, and I waited eagerly for him to explain. "We were chasing Victoria. Earlier. We almost had her surrounded, and then, well... That's when I saw you."_

 _I hung my head in defeat. Yet another consequence of my stupid stunt. Jacob didn't let me wallow in guilt for long. He bent down to look up into my face playfully, flashing his white teeth at me. "You were more important," he said matter-of-factly. I wrapped his words around me like a blanket, allowing him to wipe away some of my guilt._

 _"So... she was here?" I whispered fearfully._

 _He took my hand. "Yes. We lost her scent hours ago. We think she went into the ocean to throw us off. She hasn't come back since then."_

 _My stomach turned. I couldn't even process what would have happened if she had found me in the water instead of Jacob. I shook my head, not letting myself go down that road._

 _Instead, I looked at my Jacob, knowing I could find comfort in his face. I loved that he told me the truth, even though he knew it might frighten me. Being scared of the truth was better than being scared of the unknown. I think he knew that._

 _"I need to go now." He squeezed my hand as he spoke, and then smirked. "I'm working the graveyard shift."_

 _I hugged him tightly again, less urgently than before, but still unwilling to let him go. "Will you be close?" I whispered against his warm chest._

 _"Don't worry. Quil and I will be circling this area tonight. We'll keep you safe."_

 _I realized that he thought I was refering to my fear of Victoria... I was really only thinking about how much I wanted him by my side. Ever the irrational one. Apparently I was never afraid of what I should be afraid of._

 _"I'll be here if you need me," he promised, returning my embrace and kissing me on the top of my head. It was a small gesture that I was beginning to love, and I smiled as I felt butterflies awaken in my stomach._

 _He left swiftly after that, answering the calls of his brothers as I heard several howls closeby._

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

I had attempted to occupy myself with whatever I could find after Jacob left, knowing that when I laid down my mind would be on hyperdrive. I took a long, hot shower in an attempt to get the salt of the ocean out of my hair and to wash away the day's memories. I checked my emails, fixed myself, Charlie, and Jacob lunches for tomorrow, and even straightened up my room, which was already pretty clean to begin with. I was grasping at straws to busy my mind.

Whenever I had run out of mundane things to distract myself with, I reluctantly surrendered to my bed. And here I was, resisting the urge to open the window and call out Jacob's name, knowing that if I did he would be here with me in seconds.

I let out one long and frustrated groan, turning over onto my side and slamming the pillow down on my head. I was tired of swimming around in my own brain, going back and forth about these new feelings knocking at the doors of my mind, and still unsure of what they meant.

I was tired of fighting it. I attempted to slow my breathing, and I finally just let my mind go where it wanted to go. I went back to earlier today, and I thought about why I did what I did.

I had been tired and angry. Jumping off that cliff was a spiteful message for the vampire that had left me behind to die. _You can't control me anymore._ There was also anger at myself, for being lost to the ones that still loved me for so long. I searched my heart for any other feelings I might have hidden in the recesses of my mind, and I was elated to discover that there was nothing left. My heart didn't ache at the thought of him. My eyes didn't tear up at the memories. In fact, those dull memories that still lingered didn't even feel real anymore. They were distant, as if they were a bad dream with a few good parts here and there.

As I realized that this was the 2nd time today that the hole in my chest didn't rip open again at the thought of his name, _Edward_ , I suddenly I felt free. He had already taken enough from me. No more.

Suddenly, I heard a deliberate rapping at my window, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Heart pounding, I willed my eyes to make out who belonged to the silhouette that I could see beyond the glass. I knew who I wanted it to be, but Jacob's earlier reminder that Victoria was still out there had me on edge and fearing the worst.

"Bells, it's me," a familiar voice whispered, loud enough for me to pick out. My heart soared.

I threw off my tangled sheets, and stumbled over to the window to throw it open. "Jake!" I said breathlessly, careful not to speak too loudly. Part of my excited mind remembered that Charlie was asleep downstairs.

When I opened the window, I saw that Jacob was hanging onto the branch of a nearby tree with one arm, bracing his legs against the outside of my window sill. He was smiling brightly, and he was very shirtless. I tried not to stare as he gracefully swung into my room and landed on his bare feet without a sound.

"Are you okay? I thought I heard a cow or something," he whispered, a goofy grin on his face.

I just stood there blinking for a moment until I realized he must have heard my frustrated outburst from earlier. Curse his supernatural hearing. I shoved him in his chest, smiling in spite of myself. "Shut up. I was frustrated 'cause I couldn't get to sleep."

"Sorry," he said, still grinning and pulling me close for a hug. I held onto him eagerly, breathing in his earthy scent. I was very aware of his bare skin against my thin pajama shirt, and it made me nervous.

"Aren't you supposed to be on patrol?" I asked, shaking off the feeling. I pretended that I wasn't completely elated to see him, although I probably wasn't fooling anyone.

"Sam took over for me. Apparently I wasn't alert enough," he answered, releasing me from the hug, but not letting go of my hand. He led me over to the bed, and sat down heavily. I stood in front of him and really looked at him. He seemed impossibly more tired than he was before.

"Jake, when is the last time you slept?" I asked worriedly.

He sighed and deliberated for a moment. "Three or four days ago? I don't know. There's been a lot going on," he explained bashfully.

"Jacob! You'll make yourself sick if you keep going like this," I chided.

"I'm more risilient than you think, Bells," he said, giving me a smile that caused those butterflies to start fluttering again.

Somehow I still managed to shoot him a stern look.

"I know, I know," he sighed, rubbing his face with the hand that wasn't interlocked with mine. I hadn't noticed until then that he was still holding my hand. It felt so natural. I smiled dreamily at the thought.

"What is it?" I looked up to see him inspecting my expression curiously.

"Nothing," I mumbled, wiping that stupid smile off my face as best as I could. "You should lie down, Jake." I pushed against his shoulder, insisting. He didn't bother to fight it. I'm pretty sure the wind would have blown him over at this point. He laid down eagerly, adjusting his head on one of my pillows gratefully.

"Wow, Bella. So eager to get me into bed," he joked.

"Shut up," I smiled, climbing into a sitting position next to him on the bed. I didn't let go of his hand as he closed his eyes.

I was only human, and there was a shirtless werewolf in my bed... so I couldn't help but let my eyes wander. The soft moonlight washed through my window and illuminated the hard lines of his muscles. His chest and abs were amazingly defined, and I found myself wondering if he actually had time to work out, or if it was just part of being a werewolf. Either way, he was doing something right.

The butterflies were fluttering at full force as I took in the sight of his perfect, half naked body. I couldn't deny how attractive he was... ever since he became a werewolf, I had noticed how handsome he had become. But something had changed. I was beginning to see that I was genuinely _attracted_ to him. These were my thoughts as my eyes continued to drift downward to where his shorts hung low on his hips, teasing my imagination.

I heard a soft noise, and my eyes snapped up to his face immediately. I watched as the corner of his mouth twitched, as if he was trying not to smile. Was that a chuckle?

I noticed how fast my heart had been beating against my chest, and I was instantly mortified as I realized he could probably hear my steadily increasing heart rate. He might as well have been reading my mind.

"So why couldn't you sleep?" he asked quietly. I was grateful he wasn't inquiring about my very obvious physical reaction. Thankfully he kept his eyes closed, so he couldn't see me blushing too.

I cleared my throat, willing my voice to work normally. "I just had a lot on my mind."

He opened one eye slightly, prompting me to keep going. I could see he wasn't going to let me off the hook that easily.

Who was I kidding? He was being incredibly patient with me; he always was. After all that I had put him through, he deserved an explanation.

I stared at our joined hands, thinking of what I could say to make him understand. I didn't want to lie to him, or myself, anymore.

"I was angry at him," I said, not meeting Jacob's eyes. "Not for leaving me. But for making me love him in the first place." I paused, stitching my eye brows together. "I think this was some kind of messed up, spiteful way of getting back at him for making me rely on him so much. It wasn't love. I was pathetic."

I dared to look at Jacob, and I was met with expressive and hopeful eyes. He was quite awake now. No doubt he noticed that I was using past tense. He didn't dare say anything, maybe for fear I would halt my explanation. But I had no intention to stop. I was finally ready to be honest with myself.

"He doesn't have any power over me anymore. I'm done missing him, Jake," I said with determination. "I'm ready to be myself again. I'm ready to be someone that I'm proud of."

He was grinning from ear to ear by the time I was done talking. He reached out to me with his free hand, beckoning me to him. "Come here, Bells."

I did as he asked eagerly, laying my head on his shoulder and snuggling into his warmth. Jacob was everything I ever needed. Why couldn't I see it before? He was the missing piece to my broken heart. With him, I felt whole again. I had wasted too much time not loving him the way he deserved, and I couldn't wait to show him that I was ready.

"I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through, Jacob. I was too blind to see what was actually good for me," I said. He reached up to gently brush my hair away from my face. My heart swelled with happiness. I felt safe and loved in his arms.

"It's okay, Bella," he said. "The leech hurt you, I know. I'm here to pick up the pieces... I'll always be here, Bells..." His voice trailed off, each breath gradually becoming deeper and steadier.

I turned my head to bury my face in his neck. Laying next to Jacob just felt so damn right. I didn't need to worry about distant, painful memories anymore. I didn't need to think... it was as easy as breathing. I placed a small kiss on the side of his neck, wishing it could stay like this forever.

I felt myself drifting off to sleep with him, without a hint of the restlessness that lingered before. I was content by his side, my own personal sun, and the last thought that drifted through my mind was... _I_ _love you._

 **Please let me know what you think! I absolutely LOVE getting reviews, you have no clue how much they mean to me, and they make me update faster! (Win-win) I hope y'all liked it!**


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